100 Days of Self Discovery Day Nine – How Do You Like to Relax?

Wine. Lots and lots of wine.

I’m joking. I don’t really drink that much anymore. Too many empty calories.

I relax by getting in some comfy, fluffy pyjamas, watching a good film or TV series that I enjoy. I like to lose myself in a book; that always makes me feel better.

Having something special for tea helps as well. You know when you’re having something you really enjoy, you’re in your comfy clothes, there’s something good on TV and, you can just let your hair down? That’s such a great feeling.

If I’m really struggling, an early night will help me to relax. You can’t beat the feeling of getting into a nice warm bed and, getting cosy for the night.

A good hug can also help me relax. Sometimes you just need to be held.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Eight – How Do You Feel About The Pace of Your Life?

Sometimes I think I am a little too impatient for the next chapter of my life. I want my own house now. I want us to have a better car and, be at that point in our lives where we financially stable.

I know this will happen. I just wish it was sooner rather than later.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to how well other people seem to be doing in their lives. I always have to remind myself that we are all on our own paths and, each path takes a different route.

I know that some people may look at me and, I think I am doing better than they are. I am fortunate to be in a position where I can afford to rent and, go on decent holidays. Just sometimes it doesn’t always feel like it is enough.

This year I am trying to take a step back and just appreciate what I have got and, how far I have come so far.

I know I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s a marathon and not a race and, all the things I want will happen when the time is right.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Seven – What Do you Need More of in Life?

I think I need more order. I need to prioritise more time to spend on doing the hobbies that I enjoy.

It is very easy to neglect ourselves and, we forget to make time to just focus on making sure our mental and physical health are doing okay.

I’m good at getting obsessed with something, for example exercise, and that will be all I focus on for the next few weeks or months. In the meantime my mental health will get neglected.

I want more time with Jordan. We had a really good weekend together recently. It felt like we got a lot done and, we were both in sync in what we wanted to do that weekend. It felt special.

I need to make actual plans for my finances. I need to be more organised with my savings and, create a goal for how much money I want to have saved by the end of the year. I checked my benefits at work and, it tells you exactly how much money you have been paid this financial year (including any bonuses). It shocked me because I can’t say what I did with it.

I know some will be bills and, I know some will be New Zealand, which was amazing. But the rest of it? I couldn’t say.

I honestly don’t know what else I need. If I’m honest, I’m quite content most of the time.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Six – What is Your Favourite Book?

Finally a topic I can talk about!

I love books. I love the smell of them, the feel of them in my hands, the sense of anticipation when you’re waiting for the next book in a series to come out.

I’ve loved reading for as long as I can remember and, I truly hope that I never lose this passion. Books were my friends when I felt lonely. When I felt that I had nobody to turn to, I had my books. I found comfort in them and, guidance when I needed some.

I can’t pick one favourite book. That would be impossible for me. Instead I have chosen a few of my favourite books that I have read over the last year or so.

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine – Gail Honeymoon

Eleanor Oliphant is a loner who likes to stick to her routine. That is until she sees a front man at a charity gig and, decides that this is the man she should be with.

We watch Eleanor try to improve the way she looks (including go for a hollywood wax!) and, begin to socialise more with those around her.

There is a sadness to Eleanor though and, as the story develops we find out what really happened to Eleanor as a child.

This was honestly one of the best books I have ever read. I couldn’t put it down and, I wish I had read it sooner. I also wish that I hadn’t read it yet, just so I could experience it again.

Simon VS the Homosapien Agenda – Becky Alpertalli

Simon is gay. Only no one else knows. Apart from Blue, his email penfriend.

At least no one knew, until the emails were spread around school.

I only read this book because I’d seen the adverts for the film (I still watched the film though), but I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s aimed at young adults so it’s an easy read and, I finished it in less than a day.

I wish this book had been around when I was at school because I think it has some important lessons about tolerance and, the awkward stages that all teenagers go through.

Room – Emma Donoghue

This is the story of a woman who was kidnapped and held hostage in a room, where she gives birth to a child called Jack.

The story is told from Jack’s perspective and, honestly it was enthralling. I genuinely could not put it down. I needed to know what happened.

I loved that it was told from Jack’s perspective, but as an adult it was also so frustrating because you can see it from his mum’s point of view as to why she is doing certain things, but Jack can’t see that.

I would love it if the author wrote a book from the mum’s point of view to go along with this one – a bit like Harold Fry and Queenie Hennessy.

Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng

I finished this book seven months ago and, I still can’t stop thinking about it.

Mia is a single mother who moves from town to town just trying to making a living and provide for her daughter. They move to Shaker Heights and rent a property from the Richardson’s. Soon Mia then takes a housekeeper position with the family as well.

Mia doesn’t talk about her past, she is secretive and, not all what she seems.

When a close family friend of the Richardson’s want try to adopt a Chinese baby, Mia and Mrs Richardson end up on opposing sides.

This novel will make you think about right and wrong. It will make you think about nature versus nurture. I don’t think that there is a right or wrong answer with this story. Everybody will have their own opinion on who the child should grow up with.

I still keep thinking about it now and, I can’t decide what the correct answer is.

That’s four of my favourite books from 2018. I could easily write thousands of words on all the books I read last year and, why I loved them so much though.

100 Days of Self Discovery – Day Six What Do You Want Your Legacy To Be?

This topic makes me slightly uncomfortable as I don’t like to think about what happens after. It causes me to hyperventilate and, I have to work to keep those thoughts out of my head.

It’s not really ‘legacy’ but I would like to be able to look back in ten, fifteen, twenty years and, know I did what I wanted to. I got my Masters, I’ve got my house, marry Jordan. I would like to have finally stopped finding excuses and, write. Write anything and everything, until eventually I feel it’s good enough to be published.

Do you know those scenes in films where you have all your close friends/family round and, everyone is happy, eating, drinking and, just enjoying each other’s company? Only this happens every week, it’s just a regular weekend for you all. That is what I crave. I want the good people who will be in your life for as long as you need each other.

I have a few people like that already, but there is always room for more.

I want people to remember me and, think she made our lives easier just by being there.

Like I said this topic makes me feel very uncomfortable so I’m not sure what else I can add really.

Instead, I asked Jordan what he wants his legacy to be:

‘That I was a funny, nerdy guy but a good dad…

Do my maths degree…’

We both agreed that we’re too young to even be thinking about our legacies!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better blog!

100 Days of Self Discovery – Day Four What Do You Wish Other People Knew About You?

I wish other people knew that there is another level to me. Sometimes I feel that people only see the fact that I like Harry Potter or penguins, or alcohol. This means at birthdays and Christmas, the majority of my gifts are related to the above.

Now I’m not being ungrateful. If someone has gone to any effort to get me a present, then I am going to love it. It just feels a bit like that is the easy option, you know?

I could take the easy option and get them something predictable but I don’t want to do that. I deliberately didn’t do that this year. I made sure the gifts I got people this year were something that they could actually use or, something new for them to experience.

We all put across a certain persona on social media. I know I come across as someone who LOVES to read. And I do. But I think (and this is probably my fault) that some people think I am more of a book nerd then I actually am. Then again I think this is because I’m comparing myself to other book nerds on Instagram and, I feel like I’m not as good as them.

What do I wish people knew about me? I’ve never really been very vocal about my mental health. I only realised a few years ago that the feeling in the pit of my stomach was actually anxiety and, not just me being weird. I’m still not very good at vocalising my anxiety but I am getting better.

I have a difficult relationship with food that has meant I almost had an eating disorder when I was 17. I say almost because it was never diagnosed but, in hindsight it was basically a disorder. I starved myself, actually hiding food and, forced myself to do upwards of 30,000 steps a day; For four months.

I lost weight, but obviously I couldn’t carry on like this. I have battled my weight for as long as I can remember. I finally have it under control though. Thanks to Slimming World I am eating so much better than I use to and, willingly trying new food.

I take a while to warm up to people. I can come across as quite ignorant and, cold. It just takes me a while to find common ground with people and, I don’t always know what to say. I get tongue tied easily and, then this leads me to talking a mile a minute so no one understands what I’m saying. It just gets awkward. I’d like to say I get better over time but the talking too fast never really goes away, you just learn to keep up!

100 Days of Self Discovery – Day Three Where Do You Feel Stuck Right Now?

I feel stuck at work. I feel like the team I’m on currently isn’t allowing me to progress further. I have done pretty much everything I can, including covering the team leader role for long periods of time during sick absence. My team leader regularly tells me that she would be lost without me. This then makes me feel guilty when I think of maybe leaving. Other times I find the team incredibly frustrating and, just want to be as far away as possible.

The issue I have is that I am really well paid for what I do so would struggle to find another job that pays as well. Plus the majority of the time, the job I do is easy enough. Good money, easy work, not exactly something that pushes you to look for something new.

Jordan did say to me the other day though that he had noticed how much happier I was during the Christmas period because I wasn’t at work. I hadn’t realised just how much work was effecting my mood.

Maybe I’m taking my role for granted and I should be grateful for what I’ve got. I don’t know. Maybe I just need a change.

I do feel slightly fed up of my current routine. It’s 9:40pm on a Friday evening and, I have only just sat down to do what I want to do. I am fed up that I spend so much time running around every evening, it means I don’t get my tea until gone 8pm most days.

I would love nothing more to just sit down and relax, but there is washing to do, a house to clean, shopping to get in. I swear no one tells how little spare time you have as an adult.