100 Days of Self Discovery Day Sixteen – What Are You Not Good At?

I’m not a good loser. I was never good at competitive sport, so when I lose something, anything really, it feels like everyone is judging me and, thinking how rubbish I am.

I am not good at socialising. I talk too fast, I stumble over my words and, I feel like no one really cares what I have to say. This then makes it really hard for me to be in social situations. The more I get to know someone, the easier it gets, but it doesn’t really fully go away.

I am stubborn and, this can cause issues. I do like to get my own way, even if I know I am being unreasonable.

I am not good at maintaining friendships. I get caught up in my own life and, my need for solitude. This means that sometimes I forget that I need to reach out to others.

I don’t take criticism well. I have this constant desire to do everything to the highest standard, so when something isn’t quite right, it hits me harder than it would someone else. It feels like I’m an embarrassment and, that nobody will put their trust in me again.

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100 Days of Self Discovery Day Fourteen – How Do You Feel At The Moment?

Honestly? I feel angry, guilty, devastated.

I don’t think there is enough words in the dictionary to explain how I feel right now. Jordan’s dad passed away over the weekend and, it just doesn’t make sense.

I feel guilty because I can’t do anything to make this better. I feel guilty for all the times when we could have spent more time with him but didn’t. I would do anything to change that now.

I’m scared because I’m not sure we will get the outcome that we want. And if we don’t, then I’m not sure how Jordan will cope.

I just want to take this pain away for him.

It still doesn’t feel real. I can’t understand how one minute we thought his dad was okay. He had health problems, but we just didn’t know just how bad these problems actually were.

I just want to go back to two weeks ago when nothing had changed and, do something, anything, to stop things from changing.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day 11 – Who Would You Like to Meet & Why?

It doesn’t specify if this person has to be alive or dead, so I’ve chosen two people; one alive and one dead.

I would love to meet David Attenborough. I have loved his documentaries for so long and, he just reminds me of my Grandad. I just want to give him a hug.

I think he has had such an amazing journey and I know he must have some extraordinary stories to tell. I have read his book ‘The Adventures of a Naturalist’ and, I have got the second one to read.

He just seems like such a caring and compassionate person and, I would love to know more about him.

It’s so difficult to choose one person who has passed away. I could choose Freddie Mercury, Queen Victoria, Nelson Mandela and so on. It feels like if you just choose one person, you’re neglecting all the other people you could choose.

I’ve chosen Winston Churchill. I have read dozens of books written about Churchill and, the books he wrote as well. I know some people find him quite controversial. However, I think it’s important to remember him in the context of the time that he was living.

He did a lot of good, as well as some bad. He actually fought in WW1 following the Gallipoli disaster. He helped pioneer the NHS. He was vocal against Hitler for years and, nobody took him seriously. He led Great Britain during WW2 and, his speeches riled the nation.

I would have loved to have watched him a write a speech, see him working and, how he relaxed. I think he was a formidable character and I would have liked to have seen him in his prime.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Ten – How Can You Have More Fun?

I’m not sure how to answer this. I suppose I could make more time for the things that I actually enjoy doing.

My anxiety can cause me to stress quite easily which can put a dampener on things. I also have a tendency to worry far too much, which then causes me unnecessary stress.

Maybe try not to get stressed so much so that I can spend more time enjoying the little things?

I don’t really know what else I could write. I feel like this question is very similar to yesterday’s (How do you like to relax). Everything I do to relax I find fun and, for the most part I feel like there is a good balance.

Sometimes I feel like I spent most of my free time running around for everyone else, but that’s part of life. Sometimes other people need your time more than you do.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Nine – How Do You Like to Relax?

Wine. Lots and lots of wine.

I’m joking. I don’t really drink that much anymore. Too many empty calories.

I relax by getting in some comfy, fluffy pyjamas, watching a good film or TV series that I enjoy. I like to lose myself in a book; that always makes me feel better.

Having something special for tea helps as well. You know when you’re having something you really enjoy, you’re in your comfy clothes, there’s something good on TV and, you can just let your hair down? That’s such a great feeling.

If I’m really struggling, an early night will help me to relax. You can’t beat the feeling of getting into a nice warm bed and, getting cosy for the night.

A good hug can also help me relax. Sometimes you just need to be held.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Eight – How Do You Feel About The Pace of Your Life?

Sometimes I think I am a little too impatient for the next chapter of my life. I want my own house now. I want us to have a better car and, be at that point in our lives where we financially stable.

I know this will happen. I just wish it was sooner rather than later.

It’s hard not to compare yourself to how well other people seem to be doing in their lives. I always have to remind myself that we are all on our own paths and, each path takes a different route.

I know that some people may look at me and, I think I am doing better than they are. I am fortunate to be in a position where I can afford to rent and, go on decent holidays. Just sometimes it doesn’t always feel like it is enough.

This year I am trying to take a step back and just appreciate what I have got and, how far I have come so far.

I know I’ve got a long way to go, but it’s a marathon and not a race and, all the things I want will happen when the time is right.

100 Days of Self Discovery Day Seven – What Do you Need More of in Life?

I think I need more order. I need to prioritise more time to spend on doing the hobbies that I enjoy.

It is very easy to neglect ourselves and, we forget to make time to just focus on making sure our mental and physical health are doing okay.

I’m good at getting obsessed with something, for example exercise, and that will be all I focus on for the next few weeks or months. In the meantime my mental health will get neglected.

I want more time with Jordan. We had a really good weekend together recently. It felt like we got a lot done and, we were both in sync in what we wanted to do that weekend. It felt special.

I need to make actual plans for my finances. I need to be more organised with my savings and, create a goal for how much money I want to have saved by the end of the year. I checked my benefits at work and, it tells you exactly how much money you have been paid this financial year (including any bonuses). It shocked me because I can’t say what I did with it.

I know some will be bills and, I know some will be New Zealand, which was amazing. But the rest of it? I couldn’t say.

I honestly don’t know what else I need. If I’m honest, I’m quite content most of the time.